And it is, it is a glorious thing to be a Christian president!

I am the very model of a modern Christian President,
My sanctified advisers are both transient and resident,
I know our planet’s history in milestones theological,
From Genesis to Malachi (but nothing geological).

I’m very well acquainted too with matters exegetical,
I parse the scientific into holy and heretical,
In embryonic stem cells, I see Satan’s plan to capture us,
But space-based X-ray lasers make me positively rapturous!

But space-based X-ray lasers make him positively rapturous,
But space-based X-ray lasers make him positively rapturous,
But space-based X-ray lasers make him positively raptu- rapturous!

I will not rest until our era cuts off at the Holocene,
And all our high school students have Intelligent Designer genes.
In short, with pious counselors both transient and resident,
I am the very model of a modern Christian president!

******

Pat Robertson’s advice for me has never failed to fascinate —
Especially which foreign leader we should now assassinate.
To pick Supreme Court justices, I never have to wait and see —
Pat puckers up his eyes and asks the Lord to make a vacancy!

For drilling in the Holy Land, I’ve always had a softer side,
Don’t tell me of the Hubbert Peak — it’s Providence that will provide.
My daddy and his daddy knew their bidness King Faroukh-ular,
But never bring it up with me, because I might go nucular!

But never bring it up with him, because he might go nucular,
But never bring it up with him, because he might go nucular,
But never bring it up with him, because he might go nucu- nucular!

I don’t believe in global warming; Kyoto is anathema.
I haven’t put the weather in my plans — and neither has FEMA,
But still, with pious counselors both transient and resident,
I am the very model of a modern Christian president!

******

When I can tell you what is meant by adenine or cytosine,
When I can tell by sight a PCR tank from a bread machine,
When I’ve acquired the rudiments of epidemiology,
And list the latex virtues with no hint of an apology,

When I know any factor that gives rise to tropical cyclones,
When I know more of physics than our mascot did at Skull and Bones,
When I have mastered any part of of basic science policy,
You’ll have a Christian president who clearly isn’t all at sea!

We’ll have a Christian president who clearly isn’t all at sea,
We’ll have a Christian president who clearly isn’t all at sea,
We’ll have a Christian president who clearly isn’t all-at-all-at-sea!

For, although in sacred matters I’m a walking, talking Pentium,
In science I have only reached the early first millennium.
But still, with pious counselors both transient and resident,
I am the very model of a modern Christian president!